Graduated

My journey as a student has finally ended. I can't tell you how relieved I am to be released from hell after 20 months. The worst time of my life was the initial 4 months. For the first time in my life, I realised how incompetent I was in so many ways. Being a "handicapped", I struggled to catch up as much as I could to be in sync with my coursemates. It was very difficult.

I knew how genius my coursemates were from the beginning. More than 90% of them were graded at least 2:1 and above, which made me even more incompetent. Many times, I questioned myself about the choice I had made. I had inflicted unnecessary sufferings upon myself, which was puzzling.

Having geniuses resulted in my final exam marks being scaled down to my disadvantage. I was devastated. Being released from hell doesn't seem to be relieving after all.

The journey of being a student has ended and soon I will be heading back home. A new journey has begin... I knew it is going to be another challenging path...

Uni is over!

"Yeah! 2 presentations plus 2 reports are over! I AM A FREE WOMAN in uni life!!!"

On the friday of the final week, my coursemate had organised a summer dinner. It was my last dinner with them... With hugs and best wishes, I said good bye. I will never forget hugging Paul, he is so huge at 6ft5. Take care everybody and all the best!

Me and some of the ladies in a bar after dinner!

Tan

Mood:Depressed Health:Damn good Weather:Cool

I am finally done with my last paper in the morning but I wished this happens tomorrow. Just give me one more day and I will do it perfectly. I only got new revision notes a day before the exam. With such a short time, I didn't manage to memorise all of them vividly. And they came out in the exam. As a result... sighs... sighs...

Yet I really want to thank Tan, a wonderful and helpful person who has helped me in this module. If it is not for her, I think I would have done very badly. She managed to nick "first class" notes from her senior and a friend a day before the exam. I was quite surprised when she offered them to me. Not many people would generously share their 'priceless' materials to someone whom they only knew this semester and not very close to.

I planned to have a good meal with her before she leaves tomorrow. Wow, she is leaving so soon yet I am struck in the university because I have 2 presentations and 2 reports. This is so ridiculous! Still working after exam!

So after the depressing exam (how I wished it is tomorrow), we went to M&P cafe, which was such a disappointment with their choices of food, then we headed to Harry's cafe and bar much later.

My peach smoothies and her summertime smoothies

Seafood mezzer for two

I planned to give Tan a treat since this was our last meal in UK and also to show my gratitude to her, but in the end, she insisted to pay for our meals in both places. As for my part... I have promised to bring her around in Singapore when she comes :)

In the jungle...

Haven't been updating my blog for some time. I have been rather busy with assignments and now, coming exam. Tomorrow is my first paper and I am feeling nervous today. The reason why I am so panicking about it, is because there are no lecture notes for this module and no past year exam papers to base on.

I felt a little insecure because I am not sure of the boundary, not sure if I have read enough for some topics, not entirely sure what the questions would be. As far as science is concern, topics are huge. Human organs comprise of electrical, mechanism, anatomy & physiology and chemistry. Besides knowing the nature body, the engineering aspects have to be considered for extracorporeal organs or implanted artificial organs. I could only based on my instincts in selecting topics to learn and of course chanting that I would be in sync with the examiner.

I would imagine my shocking face if the questions came out alien to me...

Good luck to me!

Revision Starts!

Mood:Hungry Health:Good Weather:Cool

Finally, I am able to sit down for revision! One week ago, I planned to start my late revision for my coming exam but it didn't happen because of a group report. We targeted to finish all our bits on Tuesday and compile them into a group report but it didn't happen.

I finished my part before that day and I was very relieved thinking that I could concentrate on my revision. Who knew. One of my group member told me that what I have done, was not what they wanted. Apparently, I was being allocated to the control system of the pacemaker to the total artificial heart. I was absolutely clear about this!

With less than three days from the submission date, I was told that they wanted the control system within the artificial heart! Infact, I only have a day to do a 12 weeks work because we needed at least a day to put all the messes together properly. Can you imagine the look on my face? Yet, I felt thankful that this happened now rather than later. So I didn't sleep that night, working on the research and report.

The next day...

I shown my draft to some of my group members. Imagine if someone told me "this is not what I want" again... I feel like slapping that person! Thanks goodness, it didn't happen. I felt really appreciated when I was told "Yes! This is what we want! Good work! This is great!"

Just when I thought we could compile them already...

Sighs... that the problems of working in a group... Wasted so much time waiting for people to come, waiting for one another to finalise their report. It would be acceptable if it was me since I was doing a last minute job :P Sighs... my people, do you know that you are jeopardising everyone time for revision?

This time round, my exam is much harder than before. We don't have lecture notes to depend on and have to do abundant of reading on ourselves in order to prepare for our exam. Also, you never know what the examiners have in mind about the questions. These examiners... sighs...

Boring Easter Holiday

Mood:Bored Health:Good Weather:Cool

Ooo... The Easter holiday started as soon as I submitted my dissertation last friday. I caught up with my sleep and slept for about 16 hours that day. And it took me 2 days to recover from pressure sores on my posterior. Now I could understand the kind of discomfort that the elderly has to suffer when they are being confined on their bed the whole day. For those who are living with their immobile grandparents, please try to change their static position every 2 hours. This helps to increase the blood flow and oxygen on the pressure site.

I spent my weekends resting and walking (so funny isn't it?). All I wanted was, to walk as far as possible after being confined on my seat for quite a period. And now, after the rest and walk, I am ready to prepare for two more reports this holiday, one of them was 10, 000 words. Ooo... What a holiday! What a boring holiday I will be having!! Ning is spending her holiday in Holland and Eqygt. Wow... Egypt... so envy! And most of my coursemates have gone home... only left one lonely Sam in Cardiff... Sighs...

Nightmare finally over!

Mood: Relieved Health:Good Weather:Cool

2 days ago, after the discovering of the erroneous data, I have a strong feeling that my supervisor is not going to reply my enquires. By thursday morning, I gave up the hope of having the correct data to support my modelling. I was cool about it eventually. All I could do was to 'bullshit' a little bit about my concept which was not my kind of dish really.

6 hours ago, I was in the university, waiting to bind my dissertation and submitting it. Finally... finally... this 5 months project has ended. For the past few weeks especially the last week, were nightmares! You may be thinking 'Sam must be doing last minute work'. Well, I started writing bits of my dissertation very early during the Christmas recession. After being involved in finite element modelling, my time spent in writing became less. This modelling thing really got my nerves and eye sight. My eye power has increased due to the prolonged period of facing the computer screen.

So why the nightmares if I have done some of it? It was "bad habit"! I have a bad habit of editing bits and pieces here and there again and again, never stopping even until this morning. For the first time in my life, in the midst of my work, I felt giddy and wanted to throw up in front of my laptop. I felt sick and I guessed I have pushed myself too much especially for the past few days. My whole body was aching, my eyes were burning and I could feel the pressure sores accumulated on my bum. I was so afraid that I would get sick, and I gorged myself with more water, vitamins and herbs. I have been working for at least 16-22 hours constantly for the past few days!

Imagining, the next day, Singapore newspaper featured 'Singaporean student found dead in UK hostel'. I have a feeling that this continuity is going to kill me, if I do not take a break. So I slept from 3am to 5am in the morning and continued with my work again. Then I firmly told myself that I must stop my work by 7am in the morning, got it print out and submit them to the teaching office. I am glad that this was over. I can't wait to have a good meal and good rest.

Talking about today... my goodness... I was so embarrassed with myself. There was no staff to help us with the binding so we have to figure out how to use the equipment. After some time, we manage to get our book binding done. At this instant, a new guy came in and was having some problems so I offered to teach him how to use the binding equipment. OMG!!! I wished I didn't help him at all. I screwed up his 10 pages because I didn't align the papers properly. OMG!! What a fool I was!

Surprising he was so cool. I realised that the Caucasian tends to take things lightly. I felt so bad, I kept on apologising to him and he was so cool about it. Anyway, I gave him some money so that he could print them again in the computer lab. I hope he won't remember me... Sighs... a helping hand turned into disaster! Sam... Sam!!!

Why playing tricks on me?

I can't describe how I feel now...

One moment I was shocked, one moment I was panic, one moment I was angry, one moment I felt like crying. And now, I felt like laughing.

My dissertation is due on Friday 12pm, less than 2 days later. It was only this morning that I observed that the graph provided by my project supervisor was incorrect. The two curves in 3D were being swapped around. Because it was not obvious, no one has observed the mistake except me, during this critical period while I was looking through my dissertation.

This verification of graph led me to the checking of the data and more was discovered. After comparing the results with another file, I realised that all along, I was being "cheated". The formula used to calculate the displacement was incorrect and there was a missing calculation for the force. My goodness! I quickly emailed my senior, a PhD student who is also working on microneedle, and asked if she could verify the data. In the end, she couldn't help me much. And I couldn't seek help directly from my supervisor as he was not around in his room for the whole afternoon.

If the data was wrong, that could explain why I was struggling so hard in achieving a comparable result in my modelling. All I could hope for, is that my supervisor would reply me as soon as possible, providing me with the correct data ...

I hope I will have enough time to edit my results and discussions.

Walked for silly 2 hours...

Mood:Bad luck Health:Good Weather: Cool

Didn't know it is friday, the 13th until bad things happened...

On thursday, I did some dissertation in the school library. Then the next day, I met up with Sam and I told him that I will be sending my draft to him in the afternoon. So I went home after class, transferred my new version of my dissertation from my thumb drive to my laptop, edited some parts to make it more "presentable" then I realised something was wrong...

The dissertation was old version! Apparently, I forgot to save them to my thumb drive the other day at the library! So I went back to school in the evening. OMG, I was so late in sending my draft already! So I re-edited the parts and then send to my supervisor but the email bounced back with error stating "mail sending rate exceeded". Hmm... maybe the file was too big I thought, so I decided to print it to pdf. Can't believe it! There was no adobe writer in the school PCs!!!

So I went home, print it to pdf then I realised my software did not compressed the file, therefore the size was still the same. But I decided to try again, sending it to my supervisor... And U know what? It seems that the email was sent successfully. Can anyone tell me why?

I tell you why, my birth elements must have clashes with fri, the 13th. HAAAAA!!!

UPdates

Mood:Nostalgic Health:Good Weather:Cool

It has been quite a while since I last updated my blog. The reason? As usual - BUSY! I need to submit my dissertation in a week time to my project supervisor. Talking about Sam, I have such enormous gratitude towards him. He never failed to praise me when I got so little to show him, this made me so embarrassed! I realised that finite element modelling is a tricky one, and I keep getting stuck, my process was slow... very slow. Sam understood my unavoidable delay. I have spent so much time, doing everything I could possibly think of, to achieve the results comparable to the experiment. It was tricky... very tricky. As the days passed, the demon battling inside me, warned me " YOU would never finish your project successful :( "

Yesterday, I met Sam and was stunned by his outfit. He was wearing suit. The last time I saw him in suit was last year in one of his lecture and the students (guys) whistled as he walked down to the stage. Hahaha. Normally, he dressed in T-shirt and jeans. He must be meeting someone important today. Recently, we have auditors in our school. Two days ago, he changed our meeting because he had a TV interview. Hmmm... Hee...

Back to yesterday, Sam sat with me for over an hour, looking at the models and trying to make sense of everything. I felt touched and dumbed at the same time. He was explaining to me about some mechanical concepts, my goodness... I DON'T UNDERSTAND AT ALL! I hope that somehow, a miracle would happen and I would get my expected modelling results. Sam said, if I could get it works properly, I might be the one person to achieve this! WOW!!! I have a feeling that Sam is looking forward to my dissertation!

All right, project aside. What have I been doing lately? Well, I got this book from a hospital library 'Knife to the Heart'. A broken love story? No, I was trying to get some books for the heart transplant and artificial heart. As I picked up this book, I was thinking 'it is going to be another dry topic'. However, this is the most amazing science book I have ever read! It is about the history of transplants and the stories of surgeons and patients. It features some pictures, some were great because they lived, some were upsetting because they died. The pictures of cute little babies who died after heart transplants pierced into my heart especially the one with the eyes that tell you his story. Then, I felt insane when I learnt that baboon hearts were transplanted into babies and when the brain of a monkey is taken out and placed into another. Insane! REALLY INSANE!

Unfortunately, I only manage to finish the second chapter (due to time constraints) before I had to return it :( I would recommend this book to anyone, it is so easy to read and understand.

OK, what is next? This time round, I missed food from home. The feeling was much stronger than when I first came to UK. Check out what I had.

Glutinous rice balls - sesame (my favourite flavour)

Squid dumplings smell nice but taste was disappointing. I missed dumplings from Crystal Jade!

Substitute beef balls noodles with Swedish meat balls and pasta. So pathetic!

Cold but I am all right!

Mood:OK Health:Good Weather:Cold

I was surprised why everyone was asking me about the cold weather here at the same time...

A few friends from home have sent their concern to me, after being informed about the cold snowy weather in UK from the news. Thank you all! I didn't know that the weather in UK caught so many attention until I went to check out the news online.

I have no clue that hundreds of school were closed in Wales because of the snow. It doesn't affect me as I don't have to go to university for 3 days? Why so special? Our lecturers let us off for our own research. Hahaha!

Spring semester sucks...

Mood:Sighs Health:Good Weather:Cool

This spring semester, the way the modules were taught, caught most of us. What happened?

1. went for class
2. given a topic
3. work in groups for brainstorming for 10-15 mins
4. briefing from lecturers
5. dispersed for own research
6. submit report the following week or do a presentation

We have this sort of format before but they exist in one module per semester. This time, the lecturers do this for all our modules except one.

You know what it means? Lots of coursework again... (Sighs... my senior told me this semester should be more relaxing... Maybe the format has changed.)

The worst thing was having 'u know who no. 2' in our group. She is the one who does nothing. Bad luck! I have a bad feeling that she is going to trash us 3 times because she is in our group for 3 modules. Her 'no contribution' in group work or even her own work has given her a reputation in our class!

The rest of the groups must have felt "phew" when she came to my group. Some even consoled and wished us "good luck"! Damn!

UPDATES

Mood:Tired Health:Good Weather:Cool

If you have been reading my blog, you would know that I have finished my exam (applause) today. And probably, it is self- explanatory that I used to be super busy since I am digging up pictures taken 3 weeks ago to be put up here now.

Exam has been... hmm... Well, I have lost quite a lot of energy for the first three papers, and taking things really slow for my last two papers. Exam was really straining especially when the dates were so close to one another. Perhaps, getting old is another factor.

Three weeks ago, the kitchen became my room. In order to motivate myself for the exam, I devised a plan - revising with Ning and keeping an eye on each other. The plan worked very well. We would arrange to meet in the kitchen in the morning and revise until after midnight.

Some times, we would cook a dish each and share. The feeling of motivating, encouraging and looking after each other was great especially when I was sick again before exam.

Luckily Ning, she had less papers than me and finished them a week earlier. Now she is on short trip enjoying before the spring semester starts :( while I still have to do my FYP and dissertation after exam!! (Waah...)

Time flies... just one more exam to go before I graduate... Sighs... I got to face the same thing again in about 4 months time :(

Anyway, as I have promised...

NEW YEAR EVE

On the eve before the New Year, Rob and I went to Liquids for count down. There were a couple of popular DJs playing in the club. That night was -5 degrees, super cold yet I don't understand how the local ladies could wear skimpy dresses and walk on the street without coats on. Even their shoes were sandals. My feet already slightly numbed with two layers of socks in knee length boots!

Counting down screen

Liquids was too packed, music was not my type... it was pretty boring. Yet there were not many places to go for countdown. How's New Year in Singapore??

The mood before the last paper...

Tomorrow is my last paper... I have lost some of my fighting spirit since the electronics exam. The lecturer had dropped us a note to apologise for the mistake and re-assured that those who did that questions will be credited necessarily.

For the past 20 days, I have been working my brain so hard in memorising loads of information. And I wondered, if I will die of 'brain dead' one day at the examination hall. The brain is too exhausted to function again...

Since the day I had my first university exam, I felt that exam is a gambling test. What a foolish thought I had in the past, thinking that my coursemates were a group of geniuses, who could grasp everything and I was a dumb one with limited memory space. Then I realised, all of us were actually playing the same game - gambling by studying some parts of the module and hoping it would come up. Good news is that my gambling skills has improved gradually since day one of exam. Still, I must agreed that my coursemates were a group of smarties for a few reasons.

All right, I am going back to revise for my last paper with ever going reminder to push myself to the limits which is a little tricky at this moment...

Breaking out

It is me again... I know I shouldn't be online until my last paper is over but I felt so raged now. I felt that exam is going to murder me soon.

I haven't get over my previous exam incident yet then yesterday, as I was looking through another module past year exam questions, which I am going to be examine on coming Wednesday, my blood pressure went up. The notes given by the lecturer were very scattered, with information here and there. Reading them had already made me sick. Also, some of the answers to the questions were not given in the lecture notes. I was so raged.

So raged that I turned in early, I couldn't revise anymore, not even looking at other module which is more 'calming'. This afternoon, I went to the library, hoping to solve the puzzles. I spent 3 hours, only manage to find 1.5 answer, the rest remained a mystery. I was so raged. Why?

Because, the answers to the mysteries were not from books recommended. I felt so headache in the library, picking up books and flapping pages and pages for something familiar to the exam. My blood pressure went up again... I was hungry and angry.

I felt like pushing down all the book shelves, and seeing them collapsing one after another like poker cards. If only I could scream like I was possessed too...

So rage... so rage...

SHITTY!!

Planned to update my blog after my exams but today was such a bad day that I felt that I need to release all my foul moods here...

I had my electronic engineering exam about 3 hours ago. It was HORRIBLE! It was so difficult to do. The first digital question had already made me so confused! The solution did not telly with the stated answer. Then we realised after the exam... the lecturer who wrote the question made a mistake -_-'''

The mistake really spoiled my mood during the exam. I did another question and I felt that my solutions seem strange again... (Another mistake by the same lecturer?) So my depressing level went up gradually throughout the two hours. At some point, I was so fed up that I don't want to try to write something - which I regretted later because I realised I could answer one 2 marks question. (2 marks can make a difference between a pass or a fail.)

Ok, it is my fault. But you can't blame me when I was so over- whelmed with confusion and in the state of being trapped.

The analog part was more (sighs....). I slept at 12am and woke up at 2.30am to revise my notes again. At 7am, I started to re-do 16 analog examples question before I headed to the examination hall yet nothing similar came out in the paper. The questions were unlike the past year. Feeling heartache? YES I am! Can you imagine how foul I am now?

It is going to be really amazing when the lecturers start marking the papers. Most of us are going to get "amazing" marks.

This was my third paper and I got two more to go...

First day of Holiday, First day in Hell.

Many people might be thinking "It is holiday! Time to enjoy!"


For me, it is going to be another dreadful period. I have to study for my five coming exam papers in January, finished two coursework, write my FYP report, generate my FYP finite element modelling and prepare FYP presentation. Frankly speaking , three weeks of holiday is not enough for all these tasks.


No wonder, my senior who is now a PhD student told me that was the most dreadful Christmas she ever had... Sighs. And now it is my turn :(

End of Summer Term

Mood:Tired Health:Good Weather:Cold

Today is the last day of my summer term. It is a day that I wished it wouldn't come...

It was hell, rushing to complete my last coursework in the summer term. I spent quite a lot of time analysing the mechanics of a fracture fixation plate. The mechanical calculation got more complicated each time and I felt really sick! Three days ago, I realised I need to re- calculate most of my mathematical equations after hearing what the rest were doing... I felt like crying.

Three days! I don't know how am I supposed to get it done. I need the mathematical solution which is quite complicated, generate the finite element modelling, analyse the results then finish my report. A moment like this made me want to give up and submit nothing. It was so easy to do that than just hanging on. After all, it won't be good work in such a limited time. So what the point?

//XX came into my mind at this stage. He didn't submit a coursework last year because it was a difficult one and he gave up. I remembered that I spent 3 weeks struggling with the solution and all I could squeeze out from my tiny brain was half the task, and not completed correct. I was surprised to get 55% for it, it was not equivalence to what I have produced.

"Just write something, don't just submit nothing!! At least you got some marks!" I told him.//

Ok...the point is, I don't want to be like him. I managed to get half of my new mathematical solution done, run my finite element and completed half of the report (full format with no depth because of limited time). It was not the kind of work I would like to submit really - this is what I called 'trash'. But no submission is even worse!

I wished I will not go through another roller coaster like this again! The tension, panic and the rush was mad! Half an hour before the office closed, I went in to submit this coursework. Hmm... I guessed I am the last person to do that.

As I was walking back home, I saw many pulling their luggages and carrying big bags. They were going home for christmas.

//What's the hurry? You all just finished classes today! If I were you, I would take a few days off before heading home. I guessed the adrenaline still lingered inside me. I need a break. I am so tired and hungry... //

All I had for the day was one cookie and two small carrot cakes. There was no time to have a decent meal. I must have a better dinner then! What for dinner? It is sam's chicken curry.

Going to Zzz after dinner...

Annoying Group Member!

Mood:Annoyed Health:Good Weather:Cold

She is our new coursemate and I realised how annoying she is!!

We were supposed to work in pairs for our electronics coursework. Since our class has odd number of students, one group might be working alone or in group of three. Gloria and I planned to work together once the coursework information was conveyed to us.

During our first lab session, we were seated in pairs when the girl 'u know who no.2' asked if she could join our group.

"I am not sure. You have to ask the lecturer."

The lecturer gave his consent and that was how things turned out after that...

We were given some hints on the procedure and I was thinking how to do the first step, and 'you know who no.2' was playing with the software. She doesn't even bother to know what we were supposed to do!

For the subsequent lab sessions, I really wished she wasn't there. While Gloria and myself were cracking our brains, she was staring at us and doing absolutely nothing except asking some stupid questions and giving stupid remarks! Then everytime we have some answers, she would question "are you sure this is correct?". And if she was convinced, she started to copy all our solutions.

Both of us were so annoyed with her attitude!

In the last stage, Gloria and I were in the lab, discussing and drawing out our design and doing stimulation. Where was she? She doesn't even bother and I was thinking why did I bother to send her the stimulation results?

If I were nasty, I would send her the wrong results... Some time I wished I could be really mean to some people who deserved it even though it means making more enemies in my life!

Another One Gone...

Mood:OK Health:Good Weather:Cool

Finally, I am done with my biomechanics report! It took me ages to complete it and some people already questioned about my inefficiency "you have been doing it for quite some time and you are not done?"

I spent a week on it. The last day before my deadline, I only slept for 3 hours just to finish off. This report was the hardest one I ever done so far. Most of my coursemates that I talked to, thought they were submitting craps too.

Why was it so difficult? It is because we have limitation + complication in writing a rigid topic. I was not surprised when I don't see some of my coursemates for days - skipping lectures to write this report.

During the fussy period, I was feeding myself with desserts to keep my spirits up...

Chocolate mousse from Tesco is good and only 68 pence for six of them!

Soft and creamy

See what I told you? Soft and creamy! It melts in your mouth. Hmmm...

Anyway, I am glad that it was over! Huh? Not the dessert dear, it is the coursework! Another gone but more coming in soon... Sighs... More desserts please!!