The End

"From this moment, this has became a part of my life story - My bits of History. Reluctantly, I signed off 'My survival in UK' with a full stop. It might be 'dead' yet able to convey my life and thoughts as long as it survives in the technology world. In all these time, I would like to thank all for being a part of the journey of 570 days!"

Leaving Cardiff...

I was on the coach leaving Cardiff...

Passing by the green fields, overlooking the horses, cows and sheep... that was it! When would I see the same scene again? It would probably be a few years later when I come back for holidays. Throughout the journey, sadness swept into me as images came into my mind. That's the end! That's the end!! I can't believe it!

Attachment could be so difficult to break...

Graduated

My journey as a student has finally ended. I can't tell you how relieved I am to be released from hell after 20 months. The worst time of my life was the initial 4 months. For the first time in my life, I realised how incompetent I was in so many ways. Being a "handicapped", I struggled to catch up as much as I could to be in sync with my coursemates. It was very difficult.

I knew how genius my coursemates were from the beginning. More than 90% of them were graded at least 2:1 and above, which made me even more incompetent. Many times, I questioned myself about the choice I had made. I had inflicted unnecessary sufferings upon myself, which was puzzling.

Having geniuses resulted in my final exam marks being scaled down to my disadvantage. I was devastated. Being released from hell doesn't seem to be relieving after all.

The journey of being a student has ended and soon I will be heading back home. A new journey has begin... I knew it is going to be another challenging path...

Went to the university career service this afternoon to seek guidance...

I felt extremely negative with the whole thing. And I kind of predicted my outcome without even trying and seeking. Unlike me, the consultant was positive and he drew a beautiful picture of me, which questioned my doubts. I was thinking if he was truthful or like most of them, who prefer to act politely in the most adverse situation...

Mood:Lost Health:Good Weather:Great

It is all coming back to me now...

Once again, I experienced the same kind of 'longing' from everyone in SGI- Wales. It was probably the same type of attachment as compared to Aug '07 when I decided to leave home for my UK studies. This made me ponder about being a stray cat one day.

As the days get closer, I found myself walking deeper in the forest and increasing lost. I realised how much I hate about adjusting my life all over again. And then, it all comes with fears as well. What should I expect?

I haven't been giving much strategy about what is coming next, all I know is that, I would be in the biggest catastrophe if opportunity comes slow. Halfway through my course, I have already feel the burning fuel, which resulted in a 360 degrees change of my perspective and tonnes of disbelief and disappointment. It was probably the most ugly scenes I have ever seen.

With current unfavourable condition, I foreseen that the ugly will become deform. I felt so sick thinking about it...

"A successful author is someone who produces a mutual understanding in his readers."

Except for story telling, which might allow its readers to create their imagination, facts should be presented in the most apprehensive manner. It would be very useful to have diagrams, tables, flow charts etc... Sighs... these people just gave me headaches as I have to flip the pages to and fro, to link the concepts!

"I hope I have not lost my mind. I remembered I still have two tabs of yohurt but I found none in my fridge compartment. And I wondered if I have misplaced them on my flatmate's shelves while I was tidying up my shelf. And they thought it was theirs and ended up in their stomach... Hmmm..."

Finally Up and Running

"For weeks, I have been stuck in my finite element modelling. It was ridiculous about how much time was spent on it. Finally, I got it worked this morning. All thanks to the forum and the developer who solved my problems. It was a big step in moving on. I only got less than a month to complete my project and my report (got to submit to my supervisor 2 weeks before the deadline for checking). Really worrying. I have written some but I know that I still have more to write because I am also doing a technology review which means I have to read 'EVERYTHING' and summarises them. Summarising is also a problem when my vocabulary is not as wide as the locals, and I have to be very careful about plagiarism."

Untitled

What is result? What is victory?

Most people tend to categorise them into different levels. In most eyes, victory is always the extreme. The higher it goes, the better it is. I am not sure, but I wondered how people thinks of this quiet girl who seems to have no victory at all.

In fact, her earlier existence among her peers, have brought her to their stages before. Her untold experiences in life are vast and unimaginable. Her stories were more exciting than the drama on the black box. Who could imagine that? Only a few "lucky" ones who witness it. Even the ones, only manage to get bits and pieces of it except may be one or two.

Whether it was almost a full puzzle or bits of it, they had to slap themselves a few times to prove that the picture they seen was not a dream. Eventually, they knew all was true, for her eyes revealed it all.

The worst might seem to be over, the progress might seem to be slow. To her, she knew it was victory. She knew that she is great... if you looked into her past... though it is not the greatest.

Half a century down the road, her legacy might be brought to light, not in papers and ink but in the most popular technology. Probably by then, you would never know her...

Life is beautiful...

Mood:Busy Health:Good Weather:Raining

This final year has been quite a crazy one. Everyday, I am dealing with finishing my coursework in time. However, this final year was quite interesting as well. I am involved with more biology, a subject that I always wanted to do but never had the chance.

Who could believe that after so many years, and where it seems impossible, that I am able to pursue something which I had missed earlier...

This spring semester, I am involved in neonatal, artificial heart and orthopaedic. There are LOADS of reading to do but very interesting! As I go deeper into biology, my appreciation in the human body system grew. Human body is such a wonder! The system is working so hard in maintaining every aspects of our well- being. How could one let them down? This probes me to take care of my body as long as I live.

Hmm... less fat, less sugar, less salt, more vegetables and fruits, less meat... Sighs... Let me think about it...

"Before I forget, I want to thank those who sent me Christmas card and wishes. Thank you so much!"

Have you ever felt so incompetence in so many ways? Time and time again, I gave my upmost efforts but only to find a tiny sprout and not the fruit... This is so depressing...

"I realised that university is more of pressurised time management, able to complete the avalanche of courseworks on deadlines than any other things."

After the discussion meeting yesterday, I learned that...

"It is not the status that makes a person great but the struggles in working towards it!"

This time Tesco got U-Dong instant noodles and white rabbit milk candies ;)

(Fortunately, I didn't buy the candies as days later, news broke out that there was an unacceptable amount of melamine in it.)

I can't tell you how pleased I am with Tesco Extra these days! I found Milo, Maggi chilli sauce, Kimchi and Mee Goreng instant noodles which they never had before!

Now, I don't have to go all the way to Chinese supermarket which is quite far. Phew! Good that my new residence is still within considerable distance from Tesco!

If Communication Devices do not exist...

Telco is getting dreadful these days...

I find myself feeling sick each time I hung up the phone. I am no longer enjoying the routine that I used to. There are no squabbling going on (thanks to Sam for keeping her mouth shut every time) but slight tension.

Every week, I hear the same words, same intentions being repeated and I feel more weary as the time passes by. It is so awful...

Really appreciate less unnecessary stresses adding to my challenging year.

Ling and Woon have returned to Cardiff today. I went to the coach station to meet them and I was...

delighted!!!

It is so nice to see my friends again!

Another day to go and time is very precious...

But my concentration was interrupted, flashes of images re-played in my mind over and over again. They were images of incidents in the last few weeks in Singapore.

Felt so wronged about the whole thing... I kept asking why devils existed? The world can be so ugly even with the same blood...

And I found myself less stained from dissociation.

In this second phase of Samantha's survival in UK, I promise...

1. to be more creative in my writings
2. entertaining
3. more real with added emotions perhaps more MEAN too!

because...

you are my best reader!